HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize