And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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