yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
