Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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