i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize