I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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