Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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