I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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