Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
