One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
