awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
