That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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