If i come over, it means nothing
My brain says no but my pants say off.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize