I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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