we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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