so explain again why im purple
no
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize