i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
