if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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