there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
