pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
