Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
