Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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