worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
