I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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