at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
