he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
