Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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