I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
