We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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