In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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