I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
