That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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