I love black thongs
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
