Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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