But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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