The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
