It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You're like the curious george of whores
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
