Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
