Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
