OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
