Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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