I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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