Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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