i was rollin on her like bob the builder
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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