I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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