Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
