i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
