He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
