I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
