The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
