my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
