If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
