so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
