am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
