I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
