I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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