Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
