i already hear my dad disowning me
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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