she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
