life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
