Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
