that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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