What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
This couple is walking their pig around campus
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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