Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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