taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize