I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
