His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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