so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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