Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
