yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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