what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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