I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
